the elephant in the cluttered house

The expression "the elephant in the room" usually refers to a big unspoken and unpleasant happening within a group of people. It might be that the book club doesn't discuss the fact that one of the members is getting a divorce. Maybe a child's most recent run-in with the law isn't talked about at the neighborhood picnic. Whatever "it" is, people feel its presence and avoid it at all costs.

The problem with the "elephant in the room" is that not dealing with it doesn't make it disappear. Actually, not acknowledging the elephant tends to make it bigger. The longer you don't "see" the elephant, the longer it will take to deal with it once it is acknowledged (if it ever is).

A person told me that she has an elephant at her house. He is very large and fills the entire space. But he is contained within the house...no trunk out the door or ear flapping out the window. That's because she is ashamed of and overwhelmed by her elephant, so she doesn't want the neighbors to know about him. But whenever she is home, he sits by her (and sometimes on her). She is too tired to push the elephant out of the way and he won't move on his own. He's actually pretty comfy So what needs to be done to move the elephant?

First, determine the source(s) of the elephant. In this case it is an excess of purchasing and not putting items away.

Second, disrupt the sources. For example, you might put a moratorium on buying anything except true essentials like perishable food. Or you could have a one-in, one-out expectation, so for every item you bring into the space, another item has to leave. It doesn't matter what type of item or how it is deleted.

Third, decide to take action. While in the beginning the goal might be to keep the elephant the same size rather than feeding him and contributing to his growth, at some point, you have to take action to make the elephant shrink. Maybe you dedicate a few hours each weekend to declutter the space. Choose one part of one space to work on. More than that and you might get overwhelmed and just sit down next to the elephant. You can decide what course of action works for you.

Fourth, develop ways to keep the elephant at bay. After you've spent time and energy shrinking your elephant and shoving him out the door, don't put the welcome mat out for him again. Since there is always something entering your space, groceries, mail, toiletries, etc., you have to create a maintenance plan to be constantly deleting items. Remember, there are many avenues of deletion: disposal, donation, recycle, selling, etc.

What one step can you take today to deal with your elephant?

If you are overwhelmed by your elephant, the Minding Your Matters® Organizing team can help you with any or all of these four steps.