When Someone's Disorganization Impacts You

People often approach me and say, "My <spouse, significant other, sibling> is <a hoarder/really, really disorganized> and it's starting to cause problems. What can I do?" While I would love to say, "Complete these three actions and all will be well" unfortunately, that is not the case. What I can do is offer a few suggestions to point you in the direction of action.

First, determine the extent to which the clutter is impacting the space. You may want to use the Clutter-Hoarding Scale (CHS) created by the Institute for Challenging Disorganization (ICD). This scale has five progressive levels which indicate the degree to which a space is cluttered and/or hoarded. The level is determined by the impact of/to structure & zoning, animals & pets, household functions and health & safety. Using the CHS can take emotions out of the equation because some of the categories are clear cut: either all appliances are working or they aren't. The CHS is available as a free download from the ICD website. 

Second, after using the parameters of the CHS to access the level of clutter or hoard, decide the best way to approach the person. Some people are fully aware of the problem, but due to 'overwhelm" don't know how to start. Other people acknowledge that there is a problem but it doesn't bother them enough to take action. Another group of people do not understand the depth of the problem. Often referred to in psychological circles as someone "without insight" they do not comprehend the seriousness of the situation or the impact it has on others.

To help understand the best way to bring up the subject of clutter to the person, you may want to understand the phases of change. Knowing their stage can guide how you talk with them. The Readiness of Change Fact Sheet from ICD may be useful. Download it for free.

If the person falls into the first group, ask "what would be most helpful for you?" Be supportive but not pushy. If the person doesn't know what might be helpful, ask if they would like you to do some research and get back to them with possible suggestions. One place to start might be the ICD Fact Sheets. For an overview of these free documents, click here. 

If the person falls into the second or third group, start by reading Digging Out: Helping Your Love One Manage, Clutter, Hoarding & Compulsive Acquiring by Michael A. Tompkins, Ph. D. and Tamara L. Hartl, Ph. D. This book is written specifically for families and friends of loved ones. The basic premise of the book is helping to create a space that is safe to live in. The book walks readers through the whole process.

Other resources that might help include:

* When You Live with a Messie by Sandra Felton
* Tips for Communicating with Chronically Disorganized Individuals, ICD Fact Sheet free download
* How to Help a Hoarder website
* Clutterers Anonymous website 
* Shopoholic No More website
* Other Fact Sheets offered by the Institute for Challenging Disorganization 

Some people just need permission to get help with their clutter. Others don't have any intention of making changes. In the first case, providing support in a variety of ways is important. In the latter case, you may have to make a decision for them based on the safety - or lack thereof.

Please understand that the clutter didn't get there overnight, nor will it disappear overnight. If you decide that hiring organizing professionals would be useful in your pursuit of organization, feel free to contact us.